


Until the End

by ChaiMutt



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Animal Death, Death, Drama, Equestrian, Equestrian!Levi, Euthanasia, Horseback Riding, Horses, Illness, Memories, One Shot, Other, Sad, Short One Shot, attack on titan - Freeform, horse, show jumping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-16
Updated: 2014-12-16
Packaged: 2018-03-01 16:31:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2779994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaiMutt/pseuds/ChaiMutt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi Ackerman is a champion show jumper, rising to the top from almost nothing. His life is all about riding in the ring and soaring over fences, but his true pride and joy is his massive and beautiful gelding, Alexander's Expedition, or Journey. However, when something happens to Journey, Levi is faced with a difficult choice to make, and has to make sure he will never regret it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Until the End

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! ^^ I'm Chai, and this is a short fanfiction I wrote. It's sad, and my friends can vouch for it since some of them nearly cried. Anyways, I've sort of thought Levi would be a pretty cool equestrian, so enjoy and don't hesitate to comment what you thought about it below, it's one of the first fanfictions I've ever finished c:

  The fall night was crisp and clear. In the town of Meadowbrook, leaves danced on the asphalt, whizzing around as cars sped by. It was rather average, and was nothing more than a mundane evening for Levi Ackerman. He was driving home from work, his headlights glowing like two bright orbs slicing through the deepening darkness. His black hair, styled in an undercut, was ruffled slightly. Naturally, work and stress was to blame for the disheveled appearance of his hair.

  Cold grey eyes focused on the road in a bored manner, but perhaps Levi was just tired. He wanted nothing more than to get home, make some tea, and dive into his bed with a good book. A routine of his that he desired deeply. However, there was another routine he cherished. You see, Levi himself was an experienced horseman, an equestrian that lived and breathed show jumping. He felt at home with the horses, the wooden stalls, the giant sand arenas where he rode a couple times a week. He was passionate about what he did, and considered it part of his career. When he wasn't stuck at the desk, being an accountant, he was jumping 5' fences with his pride and joy, a large and handsome horse named Alexander's Expedition, or Journey.

Journey was a striking equine, carved of divine beauty and the definition of big and bold, yet acquiring a touch of class. Standing at 17.1 hands high, he was a whopper of a horse, especially for his supposed breed, the Trakehner. He was a stunning color, too-a rose dappled grey, with dapples fading in and out on his pale coat, mane and tail that of a smoky grey that faded into a creamy ivory tint. When Levi, being only 5'3" rode him around the arena, it was an odd sight to see. Levi on Journey was like a third-grader on a young Clydesdale, really. There were countless times when Levi would be showing, and competitors would smirk, chuckle, or smile in a funny manner, at the sight of his small form posting on this giant animal. However, being skilled on his mount, Levi turned the looks of amusement into amazement and awe as Journey leaped over the fences. Oddly, he felt a surge of satisfaction, to be able to show others what he was capable of, despite the odd pair they were. He sighed slowly. Damn, accounting was boring and tedious. But he needed to work, even though he just wanted to ride. Suddenly, his phone, resting in the cupholder beside him, buzzed to alert him with a call.

He glanced down, noticing that the number was from the barn owner, Tess. His thin eyebrows furrowed slightly. Normally, she didn't call unless there was a situation going on. What could have happened? Nothing bad, hopefully. He was dead wrong. Focusing on the winding roads in front of him leading home, he would pick up the iPhone and slide it to answer, pressing it against his ear. "Hey, Tess." Levi said casually, turning left. However, the usually chirpy woman's voice was now low, shaky, and it make him feel uncomfortable. A gut feeling, maybe.

"Uh..h-hey, Levi."

"Something wrong?" There was a sigh, and then a noise that made his heart rate drum in a sudden panic. A choked sob, a noise he recognized immediately. He could hear her sniff, and take a deep breath. It was like a suspenseful moment in a movie, where he was just waiting for something to happen. In this case, he was waiting for Tess to speak. "Tess, what's wrong? Tell me," Levi said, but soon realized it came out as a growl. He mentally scolded himself for being so rash. Finally, after a pause, as if Tess was hesitating, she said words that made Levi's breath catch in his throat, heart slamming rapidly against his ribcage.

"I-It's about Journey. Just come soon, if you can." It didn't seem like she wanted to say more now, but obviously, something was wrong with his horse, and Levi had to know. This was his friend, his everything apart from the brats, Hanji, and Erwin. Gritting his teeth, he found the momentum to spin the car around on a U-turn, and sped towards the barn. Putting his phone back, he'd curse to himself. He was really hoping to have a good evening with no worries, but he was honestly starting to get paranoid. The road seemed to stretch for eternity, but Levi was speeding down it like a rocket. He really had no idea what he was going to do when he got there. What could be wrong with Journey? He'd just seen him the day before to ride him in the arena. The gelding was perfectly normal looking to him; same energy, same personality, and he didn't appear to be in pain whatsoever. This, Levi concluded, was what concerned him the most, that whatever seemed to be wrong had just happened out of nowhere, and seemingly, without a cause-and-effect scenario. As far as he knew, the equine's diet was fine, and he did everything you were supposed to do when you owned a horse. What did he do wrong? He sighed, long and hard, but there was a shakiness to it he could not explain. Glancing momentarily at his phone, and the white-knuckled hands that clutched the steering wheel, he felt his hopes sink. Hopes that Journey was just fine, and all it would take was his support, and a bandage or two. For a brief period of time, he allowed himself to slow down a bit, and take in the memories that floated in his head like a thick fog.

_Hands, cloaked in fine ebony gloves, grabbed onto mahogany leather reins that were attached to a finely-crafted bridle. That bridle was fitted onto the head of a massive and stunning equine, a rose dappled grey gelding. His eyes, dark and wet, showed glints of excitement as he swished his tail, an ombre pattern of smoky grey at the top, to ivory cream at the end. Evenly trimmed was his striking dappled coat, glossy in the bright, hot lights of the show jumping arena._

_A young man sat in a well-maintained matching saddle on the animal's back, staring out in the labyrinth of colorful fences. He was of 26 years, with sharp grey eyes and a stoic yet stern expression plastered on his smooth face. The soft nickers of horses was heard behind the duo, countless other beautiful equines being led around, tacked up, or warming up in the arena, leaping over the tall, looming fences as if they had invisible wings. The young man, sporting an undercut under his riding helmet, and a charcoal riding jacket, gently pulled on the reins, signaling that the gelding should stay in place until announced. After all, the show was starting soon._

_Already, eager photographers snap pictures on the edges of the arena, flocking like pigeons when the horses cantered by on slender legs, muscles rippling. However, once the animals had passed by, or turned towards another fence, the photo-hungry people would slowly crawl back, only to repeat the process over and over again. Reaching a hand up to his face, the man atop the dappled equine pushed a few stray locks of ebony hair behind his ear, tucking it under his helmet. His expressions said virtually nothing, but looking at the massive crowd, the flashing lights of cameras, the looming large video recorders, filming their every move for the equestrian sports channel, he felt a small skip in his heartbeat. A man approached him and his horse, carrying a camera. He tried to just look ahead, gritting his teeth. God, he despised cameras, despised having his picture taken. However, he decided to stay quiet. Telling them to not take his picture would be a futile attempt, anyway._

_At last, the crowd quieted down, and the lights centered in more on the stadium. The announcer's microphone crackled to life, and said things that the rider cannot understand. Why? It was entirely in French, and he came from America, with only a mediocre vocabulary of French from his high school years. However, his handler, a man named Jacques, translated what he said after a moment of listening. The show had started, and the first contestant should come up soon. "You're number 21," He said, in a nasal accent. The show is in Paris, the city of love. "I will have to leave you for now, but good luck." He added, giving Journey's shoulder a pat before walking behind him, into the shadows of the stalls and the other horses and riders. Time passed, almost with a deliberate goal to make the young man as restless and anxious as possible. By now, number 20 was starting his course, trotting at the start but breaking into a canter, long strides bringing them to the first fence, directly in front of them. His cold eyes scanned the stadium, memorizing the course that he had trained in for three days._

_His main concern was the water jump, a fence with a rectangular pool of shallow water right behind it. Journey had clipped it a few times before, even tripping in the water. It would be a challenge, but he felt confident now. He narrowed his eyes, watching as number 20, a stunning red bay, was finished leaping over the last hurdle. The crowd cheered, and sparkling lights indicated countless pictures were being taken at this moment. He took in a deep breath, realizing that this was what he came for, to be proud of the progress he made with Journey. From a scruffy, thin scrap of a gelding he'd rescued from the slaughterhouse, to this beautiful, vivid, bright animal who could jump like he was born for it all along. At last, Jaques smiled up at the young man. He looked a tad tearful, but not from sadness, no. He was proud, so happy that he had to release his emotions in the form of tears._

_With a last pat of the horse's dappled flank, the rider took a deep breath. He would pretend that this was just training, that there was no crowd, save for some curious spectators, trainers, and judges. With that, he gave the creature a few good kicks from the heel of his boot, toes pointed up and out, knee off the saddle, hands fixated perfectly on the reins. There was no turning back now, the man thought, focused on the spectacular brick-patterned fence in front of them. As the large animal cantered in long strides, he would slowly rise into jump position, and into the air he would go. Voices drowned out, cameras unseen.._

_..and he was free._

 The barn slowly came to view, and the memory slithered back into the depths of wherever his flashbacks were collected. Levi felt a faint tremble resonate from his body, his hands in particular as his vehicle's wheels crunched against the dirt path leading to the barn. On both sides of him where white fences with sprawling pastures, the sun slowly slipping into its celestial slumber as it did every night. The sky was starting to seep into a dark blue, with the stars beginning to twinkle in the creeping stretch of twilight. He got out of the car, breathless as he jogged to the familiar white building where he kept his horse.

As it was nearly night, there were almost no horses out now, save for some scruffy ponies, like Bananas and Joker, as he recognized, who were grazing peacefully. He also recognized the figures of some of the lesson horses the brats rode, like Gordon and Nutella (he hated that name). All were clad in blankets due to the increasing chill of the mid-fall weather, but it didn't seem to bother the horses much at all. He was nearing the barn now, which was virtually empty, as it had closed to visitors and riders alike at this hour.

"Levi!" Tess panted, her figure becoming more visible in the illumination of the barn's lighting. Her soft face was red, blotchy, her eyes also bloodshot. She sniffed, wiping her nose on the sleeve of her hoodie. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't explain, I had to call the vet and-" Her words were cut off. "It's fine. But what happened with Journey?" He inquired, but it soon sounded more like a demand. Another reason he had to chastise himself mentally for.

Tess sighed, and was about to speak when a young man approached from one side of the barn, where Journey's stall was located. His expression was grim, his dark brown hair tousled. He was clad in jeans, a flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up his muscular arms, and a stethoscope slung around his neck, the only sign that he was a veterinarian. "Levi Ackerman, right?"

"Yes," He replied, his gaze cutting daggers into the taller man opposite of him. The vet flinched but then sighed and rubbed his forehead. He look worn, tired, and it appeared that he had been here for a while. Tending to Journey, Levi realized. He rubbed his arm on the back of his neck, as if he was sore from being in one place for too long. "Uh..it's not good. Journey coliced, and we don't know how it happened. But he's just in a lot of pain right now. I did everything I could, but.." Levi felt as if the words were a speeding train, ramming into his chest. His horse, his friend, part of everything he had..and now he had colic?! He swallowed hard, and realized that he was trembling more than before. "Can I see him?" He asked, the words lodged in his throat, which suddenly felt dry. As if the vet saw his sudden panic, he furrowed his brows in concern, but said nothing. A bad sign.

Tess followed them into the barn, and the smell of horses in the warm atmosphere almost calmed him for a second. He wished to be alleviated of his worries at this moment, so he wouldn't have to face the deepening trouble that was about to face him. Carefully, he'd peer into stall 11, beyond the nametag that read 'JOURNEY/OWNED BY LEVI ACKERMAN', and the small assortment of items, like leg wraps and a tail wrap that sat nearby next to a grooming box. Beyond that were the wooden doors of the stall, with thin metal bars lining it, their shadows making straight rows on the floor as well. What he saw tore his heart to shreds. This was not the energetic, kind gelding he'd ridden just a day earlier. He wasn't pawing at the stall door, anxious to nibble on Levi's hair and nuzzle his shoulder. Gone was the faint nicker in welcome, and the high-pitched whinny of goodbye. Now, he had only the most pitiful sight to see.

Journey's cheerful greeting was now a series of elongated groans, his breathing labored, nostrils flaring as if each breath he took was more taxing than the last. His brown eyes, clouded and glassy with pain, flickered to Levi, no longer bright and joyful. Instead, they seemed to call out, to silently scream, 'Help me'. It was clear that whatever happened, it couldn't be reversed at this point. The damage had done its worst on the poor horse. His rose dappled grey shone slick with sweat, and he gave a weak nicker as Levi opened the stall gate. Tess stood behind him, teary-eyed, lip quivering. "I-I'm so, so sorry, Levi..I found him a few hours ago, rolling around, and I called the vet as soon as I could, but he couldn't get here that fast.." Realizing that she was simply rambling, she shut her mouth and stood there, backing up slightly as the vet came in, carrying what resembled a duffle bag. His equipment, Levi concluded.

The young man still carried a grim expression, one of hopelessness and exhaustion, and the Ackerman could only stare at his suffering companion as he spoke. "I gave him a sedative earlier to keep him from moving so much, but it's worn off. He's in really bad shape, and I have no idea how he got colic in the first place. We can't move him at this point, and I've narrowed our options down to two choices." He glanced back at Levi, eyes showing a muddled mixture of guilt and pity. "We could attempt to do surgery, but it'll be expensive, and I would need to call in more people to help perform the procedure somehow. I'm sorry to say that the outcome would have a chance of being fatal. Or.." The vet sighed, pressing his lips as if what he was going to say would hurt Levi, and perhaps it would. "..we can put him to sleep, and end his pain."

Putting to sleep meant euthanasia, that was obvious. Levi walked into the stall, not caring about cleanliness right now as he kneeled, in his work clothes, next to Journey's head. He thought for a moment. Journey had already been in pain for hours. _Hours_. He felt his stomach sink to the floor, a twinge of regret prickling his skin. If he hadn't come here earlier to visit, if he hadn't decided to work overtime..he had the power to do that. Why didn't he? The short equestrian hung his head, looking down at his horse. "Hey, Journey. Hey, boy," He muttered softly, slightly surprised as the equine looked up at him, and then lifted his large head, only to place it on his lap like a large dog. It appeared he wanted comfort, and his groaning had subsided a bit, as if his owner's presence comforted him. The more calmed expression the gelding gave seemed to read, 'If you choose to end my life, let it be. I'll be okay, just don't let me hurt like this anymore.' 

He took a deep breath, like he always did before he exercised, before he performed at a show. Somehow, just inhaling and exhaling just refreshed him, helped his mind focus from a blurred, stressed stupor. Life threw all sorts of shit at him, but as long as he had his horse, his companion at his side, he never felt helpless or alone. But, he felt like he made his choice, a choice he wouldn't regret, a choice that wouldn't come to haunt him later on. He sat there, his hands starting to slowly reach towards Journey's powerful neck, slick with sweat, but beautiful nonetheless. He stoked it slowly, and he finally spoke to the vet, looking up and giving his stoic expression, steely, but not harsh. "Okay, I've decided. It's best to put him down. I din't want him to suffer any more than he already has." Levi's voice was soft, but never wavered from its flat tone.He stroked his horse's neck as the vet prepared a large syringe.

Tess walked over and kneeled down in the stall, giving Journey a small pet on the side of his face.

"I'll miss you," She whispered, the tears she held falling suddenly as she stood up and backed out. She knew this was a moment meant to be savored by Levi, and Levi alone. This was his horse, the one he raised from nothing more than future dog food, to a rising champion. He didn't care, however, how much money the gelding had won him for the family, or how many ribbons adorned his stall.

What he cared about, was that he was proud of his horse, proud until the end. The vet came into the stall, crouching, and deftly inserted the needle into Journey's vein, in his foreleg. Flinching a moment, giving a soft snort in alarm, the gelding was quickly calmed by the lulling scratching that Levi did, right behind his ear. His sweet spot, he'd never forget it. Now, what the man did would be surprising, as the Ackerman opened his lips, and would proceed to sing, in a low, but noticable tone. It was a tune he'd learned as a child, a lilting set of verses that carried over in the winds of his home, filled with poverty and despair. These words came as a lullaby, as the gelding was soothed, and Levi began.

_"Of all the money e'er I had, I spent it in good company._

_And all the harm e'er I've done, Alas! it was to none but me._

_And all I've done for want of wit_

_To mem'ry now I can't recall_

_So fill to me the parting glass_

_Good night and joy be with you all._

_If I had money enough to spend,_

_And leisure time to sit awhile,_

There is a fair maid in this town,

_That sorely has my heart beguiled._

_Her rosy cheeks and ruby lips, I own she has my heart in thrall,_

_Then fill to me the parting glass,_

_Good night and joy be with you all._

_Oh, all the comrades e'er I had,_

_They're sorry for my going away,_

_And all the sweethearts e'er I had,_

_They'd wish me one more day to stay,_

_But since it falls unto my lot,_

_That I should rise and you should not, I gently rise and softly call,_

_Good night and joy be with you all."_

At last, he had finished the last word of his song. Tess looked down at Journey, and Levi did too. He was no longer groaning, his nostrils no longer flared in pain. Instead, partially due to the drug flowing in his veins, his eyes were smooth, glossed over as they slowly closed, and the last of his life ebbed away in a drifting manner that was peaceful, unlike when he was thrashing around from the pain a few hours ago. One breath, two breaths, and a last inhale and exhale, as if from relief, and the horse sank into the sawdust bedding, his deathbed, and he left this world. The vet examined the gelding's body, searching for a pulse. He put on his stethoscope and placed it in different areas on the horse's massive chest. Journey's death was confirmed with a glum look and a swift nod. "He's gone."

Tess broke into a fit of soft sobs, sniffing and trying to look away at the corpse. Levi looked at Journey's head, still feeling the warmth, the warmth that would soon turn into a cold stiffness from the stages of rigor mortis. His expression was unchanged, and he was still in a state of disbelief. He wanted to believe that this was all a bad dream, that Journey was still alive and he would go ride him the next day. He even took a hand off of the horse's dappled coat to pinch his side, but felt the pain of reality. This was no dream, he thought. This was real.

He stood up, slowly setting Journey's head down on the stall floor. Looking down, he noticed how peaceful he looked, as if he was only sleeping. As he left the stall, shavings clinging to his slacks, he glanced back at the still form and muttered, "Goodbye, Journey."

"I offer my condolences, Levi. This is honestly one of the hardest parts of my job. I can't get over it." The vet said, disposing of the syringe in a container. Pausing, he added, "I've heard of him before. He was in that show in Paris two years back, wasn't he?" Levi paused, just outside of the golden-lit barn. The memories, the fog, it rushed back to him, but not in the same manner as before. It was more faded, only bits and pieces showing up distinctly. "Yeah. He was."

After the vet explained to him what happened after ("They'll come in later to take his body for cremation."), Levi thanked him, discussed briefly about the bill, and then left. Before he reached his car, in a deeply solemn mood, Tess ran to him, her face covered with the wetness of her tears. "Levi! Take this. Something to remember him by. You can pick up the rest of his stuff tomorrow, if you want. I'll get it ready for you. I'm so sorry, again. He was a great horse, and a gifted jumper. Everybody who knew him at the barn loved them, I know they did." She handed a large object to him; a giant leather halter, something crafted for a large head. He took it, looking at the golden shining tag that was attached to the cheekpiece of the halter. It read Journey's show name, "Alexander's Expedition". He felt the slightly worn straps, the golden buckles, still looking as if brand new, even if it was two years old. Leather didn't wear out easily, he had noted.

"Thanks." He replied, in his usually reserved manner. She nodded, wiping the tears from her face, and then walked back to the barn. Levi placed the halter on the seat next to him, and just stared at it for a while, delving into the trench of his fogged thoughts and memories.

_"Heichou, can I see it?" The young boy of six years asked, looking at the large leather halter the man carried. They were at the barn, on a beautiful Saturday morning. Eleven other six-year-olds were running around, squealing and petting the scruffy ponies that they were about to ride. A young woman, with red-brown hair tied up in a messy bun and glasses on her face, was about to retrieve the children's pony, Bananas._

_Meanwhile, the young boy looked up at the man and his halter, bright green eyes wide beneath the shadow of the large riding helmet on his head. The man paused, but then sighed. Might as well let the brats take a look. "It's a special halter, one I got at the big show in France." He assumed this was the best way to explain the a child how he acquired something like this in the first place._

_Crouching down to be level with the boy, he let him hold it, look at the golden shining buckles and rings that connected the whole thing together. Deep brown leather, like coffee, gleamed in its immaculate splendor. Why wouldn't it, after all? It was brand-new. After the show, Jacques had given the man a gift, something for his fourth place win out of forty contestants._

_"Heichou, what does this say?" The boy pointed to the golden nametag on the cheekpiece of the halter, capturing the morning sun's glow. It was special, something given to champions. Even if the man didn't finish first, second, or even third, he was close. And he tried. He earned this halter, and felt proud to keep it._

_"It has Journey's full name on it, see? 'Alexander's Expedition'." With a nod, the young child would give the halter back from his small hands, and would eagerly run off to meet with the young woman and the scruffy, chubby pony she was leading out of the paddock. "Oi, no running at the barn, brats," He called out, although he knew they wouldn't listen. Oh, well._

_He stood up, grabbing a leadrope from the trunk of his car, and then walking over to the white barn. Journey was waiting, his champion. They would jump, and simply relax, riding around and around the wide sand arena. Oh, how wonderful it was, he could smile right now. A curve in his lips showed as he walked closer to his horse's stall._

The drive home was slow, as if the wheels were trudging through miles of molasses instead of paved asphalt. Everything seemed muddled, blurred. Journey was gone. The horse he'd saved and turned into a champion not so long before, gone. He released a slow sigh, but it didn't help clear his mind. Equestrian sports were a great deal of his life, and to lose a horse, in his viewpoint, was just as tragic as losing a person. He'd lost people in his life before, but that part of his mind was shut off, cast away from his thoughts, banished only to come back when he was all alone one day. The memories would haunt him until his last dying breath, if the guilt of his horse's passing didn't strangle his well-being first. He then realized, he still didn't tell Hanji or Erwin about this.

Picking up the cold phone from the cupholder next to him, he'd look and see where Hanji's number was. _Hanji_. Why did he decide to call her first, really? Was there a reason? Levi shook his head to himself, and dialed her number. It rang a few times. "Tch," He muttered. She never picked up on the first ring. She was probably busy with the brats. After all, taking care of twelve eight-year-olds wasn't an easy task. Finally, however, he could hear the crackling of her picking up, and her voice filled the silent car. He shakily sighed. The kids would have to find out, too. They loved that horse as much as he did, anyway. "Hi, Levi! You're late coming back from work. Hopefully, overtime didn't kill ya."

She chuckled softly, and Levi gritted his teeth. Damn, how could he break Shit-Glasses' happiness by breaking the news? How could he ruin her evening, all of their evening with this heavy toll? She didn't even know what happened, not yet. Even if she didn't find out, Tess would tell her. And he'd rather tell her himself.

"So, how are you? I got some food ready for you when you get back." He gave another sigh.

"Ah..look, Four-Eyes. I have something to tell you." She seemed to have noticed the grimmer tone, and her voice suddenly dropped to that of concern. "What? Something wrong?" _Well, here goes. Can't keep it from them forever._

"It's about Journey.."


End file.
